I wanted to start my section with a letter we found in his journal that he has kept for over 16 years that I haven’t read since the day I gave it to him. The title on this post, was on the outside of that letter.
I had no idea he held onto it all this time.
“To Jared: May you never stop smiling and loving me like the day we said I do”
To my husband of almost a year
The things I love & value about him:
1. I am grateful that his daughter loves him so much and that she is a “daddy’s girl” because it shows me and the rest of the world what a great father he really is.
2. I love the little things he does for me like buying me candy at the movies before I even ask. He just knew I would want them.
3. I am grateful that he is a hard worker who values work and values his skills.
4. I value his strength in never giving up on his dreams.
5. I value and respect and am grateful that he still has so many dreams and hopes for his life and career.
6. I value his loyalty to me and to his family.
7. I love the fact that he still thinks that I am sexy even after two kids.
8. I love when he knows that I am tired and even though he is too, he still puts the kids to bed.
9. I am grateful that he will do all the “dirty” work like calling the internet company and trying to get our money back.
10. Last but not least, I love all his little quirks and his smile and the fact that he loves me too. And that I know he is comfortable around me when every morning when he gets up to go pee, he can leave the door open and fart and pee at the same time ;-)
Jared, from the moment I met you, we just clicked and the letter you kept, reminds me of our love for each other. I never met anyone who just got me, even without saying a word, you always knew what I was thinking or feeling. I am going to miss you so much and didn’t know just how much until you left. You were always my number one fan. Always had my back and never once let anyone speak or treat me badly.
When I first met you, you would get a USA Today newspaper and coffee, and go out and watch the sun come up. I thought for the first time, I had met someone that would challenge me and was interested in the world, someone that saw beauty in the world like no other. You loved nature and loved Mt. Shasta, the place where we met and our daughter was born. You loved looking at the stars as much as I did. Especially in Mt. Shasta because we could see all the stars and the beauty that goes beyond this world. I loved how you would always look for Orion and point it out because you knew that I have always looked for Orion in the night sky since I was young. Even when we were apart, you’d point it out to our children and say you should call your mom to see if she can see Orion too. I loved how you saw the world and I loved seeing the world through your eyes.
You listened to me and heard me. I told you a few weeks before you left this world, how you are the only person that truly understands me and accepts me for who I am, and I will miss having you in my life because you were my best friend. Good or bad times, you have always been my best friend and always will be.
You were the best father. THE BEST FATHER any kid could ask for. Even leading up to the last days, it was our children that you put first. You have given them something that any child would want from a parent, unconditional love. Love that transcends all else. They are very lucky to have had you as a father and I am lucky to have had you as a husband.
There are no words that I can express to tell you how much you have meant to me. You were my soulmate, and I am very blessed to have had you in my life. I grew through you and with you into the person I am today. I wish that I had one last moment in time to tell you just how much I valued you as a person, a father and a husband. I love you and will always love you Jared. I know that I will see you again someday one the other side.
Until the, rest in peace my love.
"Nights in white satinNever reaching the endLetters I've writtenNever meaning to send
Beauty I'd always missedWith these eyes beforeJust what the truth isI can't say any more